remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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