tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
