So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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