Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
