I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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