My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
