Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
