I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
