I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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