if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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