how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
