Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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