I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can you bring me the toilet please
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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