I CAN MOONWALK!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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