U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
