I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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