I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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