K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
