well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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