How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
lets start a swedish sibling band together
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
