My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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