Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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