It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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