Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
