Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
