i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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