There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
