so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we're so committed to being not committed
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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