allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
