i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
