haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
