I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
