yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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