He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
