The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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