i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
