One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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