You can't special order awesome
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
