a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize