when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
