So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
