Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize