So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
