he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
