if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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