Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So squirting runs in the family.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize