i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
