new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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