How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
