That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
