Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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