Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
