Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
