well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need a beard to bite.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
