Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have peed in a lot of sinks
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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