also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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