i already hear my dad disowning me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
