I CAN MOONWALK!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
