I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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