mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
