I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
