I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I look better un-naked...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
