If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
