Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we're so committed to being not committed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize