Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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