went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
