if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
