you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
