I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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