My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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