One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
