The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
