WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
