The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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