hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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