dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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