One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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