Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
