I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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