I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
