my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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