I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize