all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
