he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
