I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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