we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
