Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The adults are the big ones right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
