I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
