So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
