I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
