well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Can Purell be used as lube?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
