I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize