just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
