I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
