what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
