We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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