You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
