just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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