oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So squirting runs in the family.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
