Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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