Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he wants to bone in the snuggie
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
