from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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