Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
