so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
